So Devin was convinced that she looked so much like Paislyn, but I didn't see it.  And now without the oxygen on her beautiful little nose, I think she is all her own.  So THOMAS!  Maybe not, maybe you all can tell me better! She is so darn cute!!! LOVE HER!

Lots of pictures this post! YAY!  Railey is finally home and we are so excited to have her!  She is still on oxygen but hopefully will be off in the next couple days.  It was so great having my family around during this all.  My mom was such a great help, it was nice coming home from the hospital and having a clean house, and clean daughter and dinner.  It was nice to have her come with me to the hospital when Devin wasn't available.  Then at the end of the week having my Dad and Travis around was great, it kept my mind off the negative and made me focus on my blessings and the positive of the situation.  Saturday before we got Railey home, we spent the day with Paislyn.  She was such a great trooper through everything, and I felt I needed to spend the day with her.  So Devin and Travis took her and Collin swimming.  It was such a nice day and she loved every minute of it.

 She sleeps so much!  It is great having her home, I couldn't be happier!  What a wonderful blessing this little girl has been!

 Monday before my parents took off, we decided to go to the driving range and then to Ihop.  Babo helping Paislyn and Collin golf!  

 Bucket heads

 Peek a Boo!

 Haha this picture makes me so happy!  They are such great friends, Paislyn loves her cousin Collin

 Such a great big sis!

 Love Railey's face!

 Holding hands

 Paislyn loves giving baby sister kisses!

 I'm so blessed to have these two little girls in my life!

 Railey giving us a little smile!

As you can see, Paislyn and Railey are loving each other. Paislyn more then Railey.  The first thing Paislyn says in the morning or right after her nap, is BABY!  She loves hugging her and giving kisses!

Well as of last night Railey was doing so great!  They had her just on the nasal prong oxygen(can't remember the technical term)  but they were hoping to have that off my 2:00 am.  So hopefully when we see her today she will be free of all those wires and chords.  We finally got to hold her last night!  I had the best time, poor Devin had to beg to hold her!  :)

Devin was able to see Railey tonight!  They say we might get to hold her tomorrow!  

Its like Christmas, I don't think I will sleep tonight!

Railey Anne Billman

  So at 1:00 this morning, I had a dream I was on a very intensive hike.  It was so hard that I was breathing heavy and my lower back was killing me.  Then I realized "WOW this is so not a dream!"  My lower back was killing me and I could hardly breath.  Yep! you guessed it, LABOR!  I was worried I was just being over dramatic, so I tried to go back to sleep. I was only 36weeks so there is no way I could be in labor. But sleep was out of the question, so I tried to walk around to get the baby moved to a different position.  That wasn't working.  So I decided to time the contraction, but deep down knowing there was no way I was in labor.  After about 30 min and 6 hard contractions, I decided I should probably pack my hospital bag.  While doing that I kept having the contractions, so I decided its time to wake up Devin.  *Tap Tap* "Devin, I think we need to go to the hospital, I'm in labor!"  And having the husband I do the only response I got was......."I'm sorry!"  WHAT!?!?!?!  Are you kidding me!?!?  But at the time, I was like you're right I'm not going into labor I will wait a little bit.  So i sat in the living room and again timed every contraction.  After about another hour of pain, confusion, and anxiety, I decided ok I'm going to the hospital.  So I woke up Devin one more time.  "Devin I am having major lower back pain *hard to breath, hard to talk* and the contractions are coming every 5 to 7 min. I think we should go to the hospital."  That got him alert enough to get out of bed.  We decided to wait another hour just to be on the safe side.  We didn't want to wake Paislyn in the middle of the night for nothing.  Well after the hour I decided yeah this feels like labor.  So we grabbed our bags and headed for the hospital.  Once there they tested to make sure it was real labor and we were on our way to welcoming our beautiful little girl into the world.  Around 9 they started the Pit and at 9:30 they broke my water!  Yay, baby number 2 is on her way.  Labor was.......well labor, and at 12:26 we welcomed baby Railey into our home.
 What a strong little girl we have.  She has been through a lot today and she is still fighting.  Once they cleaned her up she was put on oxygen because her breathing wasn't looking good.  First they said we will do this and see if she is breathing fine on her own.  Then they said they would take her to the nursery to do it one more time and help her get stabilized.  Devin and the nurse come back from the nursery, a little while later, with the kind of news you never expect to hear "Flight for life."
   My heart sank.  How can this little angel of 6lbs 13 oz handle this kind of stress.  She is so tiny and so fragile, she can't do it.  I can't do it.  Devin calmed me down and explained that she is doing really good they just have to help her lungs work a little bit better before they take her off oxygen.  They needed to fly her to a hospital not to far from Riverton who can do these kind of procedures.  She was going to have to have some kind of substance inserted into her lungs, one that we all produce naturally.  Railey was just a little to young and had not developed that quite yet.  Her blood sugar and blood pressure were a little out of wack as well, so steps were taken to help get her to the norm.  But other then that she is doing great.
   So my next question are they going to bring her back here after they do the procedure?  Oh no.....no they keep her at the other hospital until they thing she is well enough to go home.  So not only do we not get to hold our little bundle of joy but we have to be in separate hospitals, separate cities.  At this point Devin and I are both emotionally drained and in desperate need of sleep and cuddle time with Railey.  So around 4:30 they get her ready to go for her first ever helicopter ride.  They brought her into the room before they left so I could say my goodbyes.  I have never felt so helpless in all my life.  This little body hooked up to every machine possible, wires and tubes every which way.  I wanted to hug her, to kiss her, to cuddle her into a comforting sleep, but all I could do was hold her hand and pray she would be ok.  Devin gave her the most beautiful blessing, that comforted us all.  And then she was off on her first helicopter ride.
  I know our Father in Heaven loves her more then I could ever imagine.  I know that he is there with her, telling her to keep strong and to keep fighting.  And even though I can't be there to hold her and kiss her, the Lords is surrounding her with love and comfort.  I know she is going to come out of this strong and ready for anything.  But right now it is very hard for me to look past the fact that I don't have my little girl here.  I haven't been able to even count her fingers and toes.  I haven't been able to guess who she looks like Devin or me.  I will get to see her tomorrow after I am released and I'm counting down the hours until i get to see her.
  I wanted to write all of this down today, because I know in the next few days, things will get busy and hectic having a newborn around.  I didn't want to forget our little miracle and her story of strength and determination.

  I already know she is going to be our little fighter.  I know things could have been a lot worse, and I feel so blessed that she is getting the care that she needs.  I'm so grateful for prayer and the Priesthood.  I'm so grateful that I have a husband who is worthy to give me and my two girls blessings when things like this happen.  I'm so so grateful that I get to go through these trials with my best friend and he comforts me more then he will ever know.  Just saying....I have the best husband in the world, and we are blessed with the two most beautiful girls a mom could ask for!!

Joys of Motherhood

When I was young I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  And the thought of being a stay at home mom would excite me so much.  I just only hoped that I would marry a guy who could support me doing just that.  Then I met Devin, who just blew me away. While we were dating and talking about marriage he expressed how much he wanted our kids to have a stay at home mom.  YAY!  Not only did I want this for our kids, but I found a man who wanted the same thing.  Paislyn is almost 2, and so far me staying home has been such a blessing.  I can't image having to leave her everyday to go to work.  I admire those woman (my mom including) who do have to work outside the home.  I know it can't be easy for them, and yet they do it everyday. Work an 8 hour day, come home and do the whole mom and house keeping thing.  I know my mom worked her butt off everyday just to make our lives easier.  And a day doesn't go by that I don't admire her strength.

Staying at home with my little angel of a child :) is frustrating, exhausting, fun, wonderful, fulfilling, and all sorts of other emotions jumbled together. From the moment she wakes up there is cheerios scattered in the living room, baby wipes being pulled out here and there, drawers being emptied,  dirty diapers, and tripping over every toy possible.  As soon as I get frustrated and ready to take a nap myself, she wraps her little arms around my neck and all the mess of the day is blocked out. In just that little moment, I remember why I love being a mom and love being there to watch her learn and grow.  I can't imagine myself doing anything else!  I love reading her books, and singing songs with her.  I love building block towers just to watch her knock them down, and then laugh so hard she loses control.  I love being there to comfort her when she is sad, or tired.  I love being the one to make her smile and laugh.

Today was one of those days!  I have to remember why I love being a mom.  Paislyn finished her lunch, we checked her diaper and put her down for a nap.  She usually goes right down, but today she kept talking and fussing about something. I walked in her room to see what the deal was.........and well.........yuck!  She had messed her diaper and decided to reach in her diaper.  Well once that happened she freaked out because she hates stuff being on her hands.  So she tried to rub it off anyway she could.  By the time I got in there she had rubbed it everywhere.  Hair, face, sheets, blanket, crib sides, pants, and shirt. So nap time came a little late today.  I had to bath her, start laundry, disinfect the crib and anything within a few feet of the crib.  Once she wakes up from her nap, I feel like I need to shampoo the carpet and clean the walls.  I'm being very paranoid, but ugh I can't stand thinking there might be more lurking around. Situations like this are frustrating but I can't help but laugh.  She keeps me on my toes for sure!  She is sleeping like an angel, as if nothing ever happened, but I think I might be paranoid for sometime.  Oh the joys of motherhood!

May, sun, summer fun!

May has always been one of my favorite months!  Its still spring, but you have those days that hint, summer is almost here!  The last week we have had beautiful weather.  We were able to go swimming Monday night when Devin got home.  Paislyn loves playing outside in the warm weather.  Its been so nice to get her out of the house and let out some of that energy!

 

 Soaking up the sun!

 When my parents came to town we took the tram to temple square and then later that day we went to the new shopping center right next to the temple.  We found this really cool play area in the food court.  Paislyn was beside herself, she had so much fun!

 It has been so nice these last few months to have Jordan so close to us.  She is in Rexburg, which is about 3  1/2 hours away.  But we have seen her almost every other weekend it seems.  Paislyn loves her aunt Jordan!  She never falls asleep with me holding her anymore :(  But this was an adorable picture!

 I can't wait to see what else this summer has to hold!  We have a season pass to 7 peaks!  I'm really excited about this.  It will be a lot of fun, hanging out in the sun all summer!  Baby number 2 is scheduled to arrive June 14th. That is only like 4 weeks away, I can't believe it!  We can't wait to have the little bundle of joy in our home!  I'm hoping that I will go earlier!  Fingers crossed!

This little girl makes me SMILE!

Easter weekend we had such a good time. Saturday night we colored eggs with Devin's cousins. Paislyn had a lot of fun. Needless to say she wasn't very soft with the eggs, she smashed up her egg into so many little pieces. I wish I had my camera during that. On Friday I took her to an Easter egg hunt at the Church. She was so fun to watch. They had most of the eggs in clear site, because most the kids were under 3. They only hid some eggs for the older kids, and Paislyn. She noticed one egg hiding in a stack of chairs as soon as we walked in and so that is the only place she would look. She found 12 eggs in those chairs. She was so excited! She watched me fill some eggs before we went so she knew what was inside. So when she would find one, she would throw it on the floor to open it up, and then chase the candy. It was so cute! On Sunday, Devin and I hid her basket and more eggs on the balcony.  She loved finding all the eggs!

About a week ago, Paislyn starting running a really high fever and she had an awful cough.  So we took her into the doctor. Joyful day, she had an ear infection.  Up to this point she has always been a healthy little girl so it was really hard watching her be this sick.  Sunday we stayed in our pjs all day and she would fall asleep anywhere!  But she was attached to her daddy!

 This is Paislyn sleeping sitting up leaning against Devin.  I told you, she could have slept anywhere that day!

 Paislyn is in love with her sunglasses!  She loves to where them, and knows she looks so cool!

While Jordan was at our house, Paislyn only wanted to be with her. She loves her aunt Jordan. In this picture she was showing Jordan what the monkey says. And in the picute below she was showing her what the snake says. The snake is her favorite right now.

She learned to do the ssssssss about a week ago and it makes her so happy. If we ask her to do it she gets that big smile on her face. Another thing that she is loving right now is singing. We do the wheels on the bus about 20 times a day. Her favorite verse is the "mommies on the bus." She does so good at shushing us. That verse I would say gets done about 30 times a day.

Baby is one of her favorite toys. She loves wrapping it in blankets and

feeding it a bottle. She is going to be such a good helper!

Any time Paislyn hears

music, she is up and moving. She loves to shake it! She has been like that ever since she could sit up. When music was playing she was bouncing or shaking her head. When she started walking it just got more intense. One of her favorite things to do is turn on music and dance. It is a great exercise for me, she gets her energy out, and she loves every minute of it. Win! Win! Jordan stayed with us Friday night on her way back to school. We went shopping and then to Wingers to get dessert. While in the car, Paislyn was having so much fun dancing. When we got home she still had a lot of energy, so we put on music and let her go. I don't know where she got these dancing skills, but i think she is the best dancer I have ever seen.  I have been trying to upload a video of her dancing!  So check back soon!